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When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Teenager Stealing And Lying
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.Teenager Stealing And Lying
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Teenager Stealing And Lying
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas lead to healthy child development Teenager Stealing And Lying
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Teenager Stealing And Lying
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Teenager Stealing And Lying
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that collaboration always yields much better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than mere outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Teenager Stealing And Lying
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as a lot more common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a whole lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Teenager Stealing And Lying
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key feeling under it
• The majority of angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Teenager Stealing And Lying
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we have to be eager to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as a person. Teenager Stealing And Lying
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Teenager Stealing And Lying
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to fix the dispute. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Teenager Stealing And Lying
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? Teenager Stealing And Lying
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Teenager Stealing And Lying
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Teenager Stealing And Lying
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