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When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Teens Motivation
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Teens Motivation
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Teens Motivation
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started checking out articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and pretty much every other typically accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas lead to healthy child development Teens Motivation
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Teens Motivation
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Teens Motivation
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration always yields much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Teens Motivation
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also much more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a great deal more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Teens Motivation
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main feeling beneath it
• Most angry children are really anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Teens Motivation
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we should be ready to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as an individual. Teens Motivation
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Teens Motivation
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Teens Motivation
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Teens Motivation
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Teens Motivation
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Teens Motivation
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