Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Teens Tips
There were a few books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.Teens Tips
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Teens Tips
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started checking out blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts cause healthy child development Teens Tips
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Teens Tips
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Teens Tips
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently produces much better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Teens Tips
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (and extra typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Teens Tips
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key emotion beneath it
• A lot of angry children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard since you truly wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Teens Tips
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we should be ready to provide. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. Teens Tips
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Teens Tips
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Teens Tips
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Teens Tips
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Teens Tips
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Teens Tips
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.