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When I first came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Teens Who Break House Rules Over And Over
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.Teens Who Break House Rules Over And Over
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Teens Who Break House Rules Over And Over
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started checking out blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Teens Who Break House Rules Over And Over
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to work for the moment. However long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Teens Who Break House Rules Over And Over
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Teens Who Break House Rules Over And Over
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration always produces better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Teens Who Break House Rules Over And Over
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and also extra typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Teens Who Break House Rules Over And Over
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key emotion underneath it
• Most mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Teens Who Break House Rules Over And Over
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we need to be eager to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. Teens Who Break House Rules Over And Over
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Teens Who Break House Rules Over And Over
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Teens Who Break House Rules Over And Over
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Teens Who Break House Rules Over And Over
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Teens Who Break House Rules Over And Over
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Teens Who Break House Rules Over And Over
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.