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When I first became a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Teensage
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Teensage
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Teensage
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and practically every other typically accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Teensage
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to help for the moment. However long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Teensage
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want Teensage
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently produces much better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than simple outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Teensage
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (and also more usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Teensage
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• A lot of upset children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Teensage
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to receive from our child, we need to be willing to offer first. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. Teensage
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Teensage
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Teensage
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Teensage
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Teensage
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Teensage
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