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When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Terrible Two Tantrums
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Terrible Two Tantrums
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Terrible Two Tantrums
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began checking out blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas result in healthy child development Terrible Two Tantrums
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Terrible Two Tantrums
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Terrible Two Tantrums
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently generates much better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Terrible Two Tantrums
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (as well as a lot more typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Terrible Two Tantrums
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main feeling under it
• Most angry children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Terrible Two Tantrums
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be prepared to give. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as a person. Terrible Two Tantrums
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Terrible Two Tantrums
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Terrible Two Tantrums
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Terrible Two Tantrums
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Terrible Two Tantrums
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Terrible Two Tantrums
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