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When I initially became a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Terrible Twos Hitting
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.Terrible Twos Hitting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Terrible Twos Hitting
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and practically every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Terrible Twos Hitting
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit temporarily. However in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Terrible Twos Hitting
Initially, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Terrible Twos Hitting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration always yields much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than mere outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Terrible Twos Hitting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (as well as extra common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Terrible Twos Hitting
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key emotion underneath it
• A lot of upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard because you truly really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … Terrible Twos Hitting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to receive from our child, we need to want to provide before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. Terrible Twos Hitting
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Terrible Twos Hitting
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Terrible Twos Hitting
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Terrible Twos Hitting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Terrible Twos Hitting
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Terrible Twos Hitting
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