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When I initially became a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Terrific Twos
There were a few books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Terrific Twos
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Terrific Twos
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reading blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as virtually every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Terrific Twos
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit temporarily. However in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Terrific Twos
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Terrific Twos
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that collaboration always yields far better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Terrific Twos
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (and also extra common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Terrific Twos
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main emotion beneath it
• Many mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Terrific Twos
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to obtain from our child, we should agree to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. Terrific Twos
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Terrific Twos
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Terrific Twos
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Terrific Twos
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Terrific Twos
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Terrific Twos
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