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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. The Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.The Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan The Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also basically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts lead to healthy child development The Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to help for the moment. But in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? The Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want The Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that collaboration always produces much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. The Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (and much more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. The Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary emotion under it
• Most upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … The Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we must be prepared to give. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. The Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. The Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? The Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? The Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. The Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. The Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.