Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. The Art Of Positive Parenting
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.The Art Of Positive Parenting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer The Art Of Positive Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and virtually every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development The Art Of Positive Parenting
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? The Art Of Positive Parenting
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want The Art Of Positive Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently produces much better lasting results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than mere outward conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. The Art Of Positive Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to assist you to evolve into the mom or dad you have actually always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. The Art Of Positive Parenting
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key emotion below it
• Many upset children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … The Art Of Positive Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to get from our child, we have to be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. The Art Of Positive Parenting
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. The Art Of Positive Parenting
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? The Art Of Positive Parenting
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? The Art Of Positive Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. However gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. The Art Of Positive Parenting
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. The Art Of Positive Parenting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.