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When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. The Effects Of Parenting Programs With DVDs On Parents’ Anger
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.The Effects Of Parenting Programs With DVDs On Parents’ Anger
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer The Effects Of Parenting Programs With DVDs On Parents’ Anger
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and virtually every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development The Effects Of Parenting Programs With DVDs On Parents’ Anger
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to work for the moment. But long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? The Effects Of Parenting Programs With DVDs On Parents’ Anger
First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for The Effects Of Parenting Programs With DVDs On Parents’ Anger
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that cooperation always produces far better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. The Effects Of Parenting Programs With DVDs On Parents’ Anger
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to encourage you to become the mama or father you have actually always wanted to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. The Effects Of Parenting Programs With DVDs On Parents’ Anger
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary emotion underneath it
• Many upset children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next scenario … The Effects Of Parenting Programs With DVDs On Parents’ Anger
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we should be willing to offer first. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. The Effects Of Parenting Programs With DVDs On Parents’ Anger
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. The Effects Of Parenting Programs With DVDs On Parents’ Anger
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to deal with the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? The Effects Of Parenting Programs With DVDs On Parents’ Anger
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? The Effects Of Parenting Programs With DVDs On Parents’ Anger
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. The Effects Of Parenting Programs With DVDs On Parents’ Anger
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. The Effects Of Parenting Programs With DVDs On Parents’ Anger
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.