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When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. The Fear Of Bees
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.The Fear Of Bees
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution The Fear Of Bees
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as practically every other generally approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles bring about healthy child development The Fear Of Bees
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit for the moment. But long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? The Fear Of Bees
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for The Fear Of Bees
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that collaboration always yields better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. The Fear Of Bees
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Below are a number of the techniques Amy reveals to encourage you to come to be the mom or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her full potential.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically easier (as well as more usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. The Fear Of Bees
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main feeling underneath it
• Most mad children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … The Fear Of Bees
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to receive from our child, we need to want to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. The Fear Of Bees
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. The Fear Of Bees
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? The Fear Of Bees
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? The Fear Of Bees
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. The Fear Of Bees
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. The Fear Of Bees
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.