Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mother, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. The Founder Watch Free Online
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.The Founder Watch Free Online
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution The Founder Watch Free Online
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also basically every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development The Founder Watch Free Online
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? The Founder Watch Free Online
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want The Founder Watch Free Online
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently produces better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. The Founder Watch Free Online
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (as well as much more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. The Founder Watch Free Online
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling underneath it
• Many angry children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … The Founder Watch Free Online
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we have to be ready to give. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as an individual. The Founder Watch Free Online
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. The Founder Watch Free Online
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? The Founder Watch Free Online
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? The Founder Watch Free Online
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. The Founder Watch Free Online
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. The Founder Watch Free Online
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.