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When I first came to be a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. The Peaceful Parent Book By Lisa Smith
There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.The Peaceful Parent Book By Lisa Smith
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan The Peaceful Parent Book By Lisa Smith
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as practically every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts cause healthy child development The Peaceful Parent Book By Lisa Smith
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? The Peaceful Parent Book By Lisa Smith
First, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for The Peaceful Parent Book By Lisa Smith
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that cooperation always yields far better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain exterior conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. The Peaceful Parent Book By Lisa Smith
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (and much more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. The Peaceful Parent Book By Lisa Smith
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key emotion underneath it
• A lot of angry children are really anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … The Peaceful Parent Book By Lisa Smith
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to obtain from our child, we need to agree to provide first. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. The Peaceful Parent Book By Lisa Smith
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. The Peaceful Parent Book By Lisa Smith
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? The Peaceful Parent Book By Lisa Smith
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? The Peaceful Parent Book By Lisa Smith
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. The Peaceful Parent Book By Lisa Smith
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. The Peaceful Parent Book By Lisa Smith
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.