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When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith Reviews
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith Reviews
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith Reviews
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started checking out articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith Reviews
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith Reviews
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith Reviews
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently yields far better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith Reviews
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (and also extra typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith Reviews
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. So rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary emotion beneath it
• A lot of mad children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith Reviews
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith Reviews
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith Reviews
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith Reviews
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith Reviews
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about becoming a more positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith Reviews
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith Reviews
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.