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When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also basically every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to work temporarily. However long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation always generates better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than plain exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (as well as a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a key emotion below it
• Most upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult since you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following scenario … The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be eager to offer. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as a person. The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about becoming a more positive mom or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. The Peaceful Parent Book Lisa Smith
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.