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When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. The Peaceful Parent Download
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.The Peaceful Parent Download
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer The Peaceful Parent Download
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began reading blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also basically every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development The Peaceful Parent Download
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? The Peaceful Parent Download
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for The Peaceful Parent Download
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently generates much better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. The Peaceful Parent Download
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (as well as extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. The Peaceful Parent Download
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• The majority of angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … The Peaceful Parent Download
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to get from our child, we have to agree to provide first. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as a person. The Peaceful Parent Download
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. The Peaceful Parent Download
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? The Peaceful Parent Download
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? The Peaceful Parent Download
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. But little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. The Peaceful Parent Download
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. The Peaceful Parent Download
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