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When I first became a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. The Peaceful Parent Ebook
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.The Peaceful Parent Ebook
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer The Peaceful Parent Ebook
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reading blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and basically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development The Peaceful Parent Ebook
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit temporarily. However long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? The Peaceful Parent Ebook
Initially, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for The Peaceful Parent Ebook
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that collaboration consistently generates far better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. The Peaceful Parent Ebook
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (and also extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and also me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. The Peaceful Parent Ebook
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main emotion underneath it
• A lot of upset children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … The Peaceful Parent Ebook
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we should be willing to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. The Peaceful Parent Ebook
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. The Peaceful Parent Ebook
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to fix the dispute. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? The Peaceful Parent Ebook
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? The Peaceful Parent Ebook
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. The Peaceful Parent Ebook
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. The Peaceful Parent Ebook
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.