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When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. The Peaceful Parenting Handbook
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.The Peaceful Parenting Handbook
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy The Peaceful Parenting Handbook
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other generally approved parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development The Peaceful Parenting Handbook
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to work temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? The Peaceful Parenting Handbook
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for The Peaceful Parenting Handbook
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that collaboration always generates much better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. The Peaceful Parenting Handbook
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and also extra common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. The Peaceful Parenting Handbook
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a primary emotion beneath it
• The majority of mad children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … The Peaceful Parenting Handbook
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be ready to give. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. The Peaceful Parenting Handbook
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. The Peaceful Parenting Handbook
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? The Peaceful Parenting Handbook
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? The Peaceful Parenting Handbook
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. The Peaceful Parenting Handbook
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. The Peaceful Parenting Handbook
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.