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When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. The Positive Discipline Model
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.The Positive Discipline Model
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach The Positive Discipline Model
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began checking out blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and virtually every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development The Positive Discipline Model
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to help temporarily. But in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? The Positive Discipline Model
Initially, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for The Positive Discipline Model
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation always produces much better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. The Positive Discipline Model
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often simpler (and also extra typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. The Positive Discipline Model
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a key feeling under it
• A lot of upset children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … The Positive Discipline Model
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we must be prepared to offer. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as a person. The Positive Discipline Model
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. The Positive Discipline Model
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? The Positive Discipline Model
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? The Positive Discipline Model
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. The Positive Discipline Model
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. The Positive Discipline Model
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