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When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. The Positive Parenting Institute LLC
There were a few books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.The Positive Parenting Institute LLC
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach The Positive Parenting Institute LLC
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development The Positive Parenting Institute LLC
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to work temporarily. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? The Positive Parenting Institute LLC
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want The Positive Parenting Institute LLC
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration always yields far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. The Positive Parenting Institute LLC
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (and also extra usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. The Positive Parenting Institute LLC
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• Most mad children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … The Positive Parenting Institute LLC
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we should be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you value them as an individual. The Positive Parenting Institute LLC
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. The Positive Parenting Institute LLC
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? The Positive Parenting Institute LLC
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? The Positive Parenting Institute LLC
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. The Positive Parenting Institute LLC
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. The Positive Parenting Institute LLC
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