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When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Things Get Worse
There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Things Get Worse
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Things Get Worse
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reading blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and pretty much every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas lead to healthy child development Things Get Worse
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit for the moment. However long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Things Get Worse
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Things Get Worse
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration consistently produces better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Things Get Worse
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (and also extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Things Get Worse
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a main feeling below it
• Most angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Things Get Worse
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we need to be prepared to provide. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. Things Get Worse
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Things Get Worse
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Things Get Worse
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Things Get Worse
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. However gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Things Get Worse
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Things Get Worse
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