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When I first became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Time Out Alternatives
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.Time Out Alternatives
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Time Out Alternatives
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reading articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also practically every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Time Out Alternatives
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Time Out Alternatives
Initially, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Time Out Alternatives
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that cooperation consistently yields much better long-term results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Time Out Alternatives
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (as well as a lot more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Time Out Alternatives
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key emotion below it
• Many mad children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Time Out Alternatives
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to receive from our child, we must be eager to give. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as a person. Time Out Alternatives
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Time Out Alternatives
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to deal with the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Time Out Alternatives
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Time Out Alternatives
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Time Out Alternatives
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Time Out Alternatives
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