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When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Time Out Corner
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Time Out Corner
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Time Out Corner
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reading blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and virtually every other typically accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Time Out Corner
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Time Out Corner
First, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they want Time Out Corner
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that collaboration consistently generates far better long-term results than strict control.
Parents that adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Time Out Corner
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to assist you to come to be the mama or daddy you have actually always intended to be, and encourage your child to reach his or her full potential.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (and also more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a whole lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Time Out Corner
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key feeling underneath it
• A lot of upset children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Time Out Corner
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to obtain from our child, we need to want to give before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as a person. Time Out Corner
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Time Out Corner
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Time Out Corner
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Time Out Corner
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Time Out Corner
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Time Out Corner
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.