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When I initially came to be a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Time Out In The Corner
There were a couple of books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Time Out In The Corner
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Time Out In The Corner
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started checking out blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas cause healthy child development Time Out In The Corner
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Time Out In The Corner
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Time Out In The Corner
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation always generates much better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Time Out In The Corner
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (and extra common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Time Out In The Corner
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary emotion under it
• Most mad children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … Time Out In The Corner
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to receive from our child, we must want to offer first. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you respect them as a person. Time Out In The Corner
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Time Out In The Corner
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Time Out In The Corner
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Time Out In The Corner
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Time Out In The Corner
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Time Out In The Corner
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.