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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Time Out Technique
There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Time Out Technique
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Time Out Technique
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and practically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Time Out Technique
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to help temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Time Out Technique
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for Time Out Technique
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that collaboration consistently generates far better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Time Out Technique
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually simpler (and a lot more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Time Out Technique
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main emotion under it
• Most angry children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … Time Out Technique
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to obtain from our child, we must be willing to give first. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you value them as an individual. Time Out Technique
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Time Out Technique
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Time Out Technique
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Time Out Technique
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Time Out Technique
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Time Out Technique
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.