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When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Timeout Corner
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mother.Timeout Corner
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Timeout Corner
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started checking out blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also pretty much every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Timeout Corner
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to work temporarily. But in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Timeout Corner
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Timeout Corner
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation always yields much better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Timeout Corner
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (as well as much more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Timeout Corner
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a primary feeling below it
• Many upset children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Timeout Corner
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to offer first. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. Timeout Corner
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Timeout Corner
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Timeout Corner
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Timeout Corner
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Timeout Corner
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Timeout Corner
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