Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mama, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Tips For Kids Who Talk Back
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.Tips For Kids Who Talk Back
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Tips For Kids Who Talk Back
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as practically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Tips For Kids Who Talk Back
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to work temporarily. But long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Tips For Kids Who Talk Back
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want Tips For Kids Who Talk Back
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation always produces far better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Tips For Kids Who Talk Back
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Tips For Kids Who Talk Back
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a main feeling beneath it
• Many mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Tips For Kids Who Talk Back
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to obtain from our child, we must be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Tips For Kids Who Talk Back
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Tips For Kids Who Talk Back
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Tips For Kids Who Talk Back
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Tips For Kids Who Talk Back
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. However little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Tips For Kids Who Talk Back
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Tips For Kids Who Talk Back
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.