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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Tips For Preschool Parents
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Tips For Preschool Parents
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Tips For Preschool Parents
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also virtually every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas lead to healthy child development Tips For Preschool Parents
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Tips For Preschool Parents
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Tips For Preschool Parents
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration always yields better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Tips For Preschool Parents
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (and also much more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Tips For Preschool Parents
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a main feeling under it
• The majority of upset children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … Tips For Preschool Parents
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we must be willing to offer first. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as a person. Tips For Preschool Parents
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Tips For Preschool Parents
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Tips For Preschool Parents
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Tips For Preschool Parents
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Tips For Preschool Parents
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Tips For Preschool Parents
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.