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When I first became a mama, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. To Much Television
There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.To Much Television
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach To Much Television
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also virtually every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles bring about healthy child development To Much Television
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to help temporarily. But in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? To Much Television
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for To Much Television
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that collaboration always produces much better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. To Much Television
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. To Much Television
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a primary feeling underneath it
• The majority of angry children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … To Much Television
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to obtain from our child, we have to want to give first. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their point of view, and you respect them as an individual. To Much Television
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. To Much Television
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? To Much Television
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? To Much Television
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. However little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. To Much Television
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. To Much Television
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.