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When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Today Show Parenting
There were a few books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Today Show Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Today Show Parenting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began checking out blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also pretty much every other commonly approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Today Show Parenting
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Today Show Parenting
Initially, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Today Show Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that cooperation always yields far better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this design have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Today Show Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (and more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Today Show Parenting
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary emotion under it
• Most angry children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Today Show Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to get from our child, we need to agree to offer before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. Today Show Parenting
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Today Show Parenting
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Today Show Parenting
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Today Show Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Today Show Parenting
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Today Show Parenting
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