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When I first became a mother, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Toddler Advice
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Toddler Advice
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Toddler Advice
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reviewing blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also pretty much every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Toddler Advice
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Toddler Advice
Initially, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Toddler Advice
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation consistently yields better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than mere external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Toddler Advice
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also much more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Toddler Advice
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main feeling below it
• The majority of mad children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Toddler Advice
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Toddler Advice
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Toddler Advice
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Toddler Advice
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Toddler Advice
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddler Advice
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Toddler Advice
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