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When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Toddler Bangs Head When Frustrated
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Toddler Bangs Head When Frustrated
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Toddler Bangs Head When Frustrated
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as basically every other typically accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas bring about healthy child development Toddler Bangs Head When Frustrated
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Toddler Bangs Head When Frustrated
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want Toddler Bangs Head When Frustrated
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently generates better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Toddler Bangs Head When Frustrated
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (and also a lot more common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Toddler Bangs Head When Frustrated
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a primary feeling under it
• Many mad children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next scenario … Toddler Bangs Head When Frustrated
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to get from our child, we have to want to give before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Toddler Bangs Head When Frustrated
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Toddler Bangs Head When Frustrated
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Toddler Bangs Head When Frustrated
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Toddler Bangs Head When Frustrated
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddler Bangs Head When Frustrated
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Toddler Bangs Head When Frustrated
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