Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Toddler Behaves Better With Others
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Toddler Behaves Better With Others
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Toddler Behaves Better With Others
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began reading material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also basically every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts lead to healthy child development Toddler Behaves Better With Others
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Toddler Behaves Better With Others
Initially, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Toddler Behaves Better With Others
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that cooperation always produces far better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this design have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Toddler Behaves Better With Others
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (as well as much more usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Toddler Behaves Better With Others
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a main emotion under it
• Many mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … Toddler Behaves Better With Others
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we must be willing to provide. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you value them as a person. Toddler Behaves Better With Others
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Toddler Behaves Better With Others
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Toddler Behaves Better With Others
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Toddler Behaves Better With Others
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. But little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Toddler Behaves Better With Others
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Toddler Behaves Better With Others
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.