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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Toddler Behavior Books
There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mom.Toddler Behavior Books
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Toddler Behavior Books
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reading blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and practically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Toddler Behavior Books
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit temporarily. But in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Toddler Behavior Books
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want Toddler Behavior Books
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently produces much better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Toddler Behavior Books
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (as well as extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Toddler Behavior Books
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main emotion below it
• Most mad children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Toddler Behavior Books
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be eager to give. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. Toddler Behavior Books
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Toddler Behavior Books
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Toddler Behavior Books
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Toddler Behavior Books
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddler Behavior Books
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Toddler Behavior Books
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.