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When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Toddler Behavior Chart Ideas
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Toddler Behavior Chart Ideas
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Toddler Behavior Chart Ideas
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and basically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas result in healthy child development Toddler Behavior Chart Ideas
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit temporarily. But in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Toddler Behavior Chart Ideas
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for Toddler Behavior Chart Ideas
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently generates better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outside conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Toddler Behavior Chart Ideas
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (as well as a lot more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Toddler Behavior Chart Ideas
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a primary emotion beneath it
• The majority of mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Toddler Behavior Chart Ideas
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to get from our child, we have to want to offer first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. Toddler Behavior Chart Ideas
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Toddler Behavior Chart Ideas
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to deal with the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Toddler Behavior Chart Ideas
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Toddler Behavior Chart Ideas
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddler Behavior Chart Ideas
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Toddler Behavior Chart Ideas
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