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When I first came to be a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Toddler Chewing On Blanket
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Toddler Chewing On Blanket
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Toddler Chewing On Blanket
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as basically every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Toddler Chewing On Blanket
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit temporarily. However in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Toddler Chewing On Blanket
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Toddler Chewing On Blanket
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration always generates better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Toddler Chewing On Blanket
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and more common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Toddler Chewing On Blanket
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key emotion below it
• Most upset children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Toddler Chewing On Blanket
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to obtain from our child, we should want to provide before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as a person. Toddler Chewing On Blanket
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Toddler Chewing On Blanket
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Toddler Chewing On Blanket
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Toddler Chewing On Blanket
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddler Chewing On Blanket
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Toddler Chewing On Blanket
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