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When I initially came to be a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Toddler Constantly Crying And Whining
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.Toddler Constantly Crying And Whining
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Toddler Constantly Crying And Whining
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reading blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and practically every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles lead to healthy child development Toddler Constantly Crying And Whining
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Toddler Constantly Crying And Whining
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Toddler Constantly Crying And Whining
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that cooperation always generates far better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Toddler Constantly Crying And Whining
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (as well as more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Toddler Constantly Crying And Whining
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key emotion under it
• A lot of mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … Toddler Constantly Crying And Whining
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to get from our child, we must want to give first. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as a person. Toddler Constantly Crying And Whining
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Toddler Constantly Crying And Whining
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Toddler Constantly Crying And Whining
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Toddler Constantly Crying And Whining
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Toddler Constantly Crying And Whining
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Toddler Constantly Crying And Whining
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