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When I first became a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Toddler Cries About Everything
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mother.Toddler Cries About Everything
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Toddler Cries About Everything
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also practically every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Toddler Cries About Everything
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. However in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Toddler Cries About Everything
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Toddler Cries About Everything
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration always produces better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Toddler Cries About Everything
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (and more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Toddler Cries About Everything
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main feeling underneath it
• Many mad children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Toddler Cries About Everything
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we need to be willing to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Toddler Cries About Everything
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Toddler Cries About Everything
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Toddler Cries About Everything
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Toddler Cries About Everything
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Toddler Cries About Everything
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Toddler Cries About Everything
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.