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When I first became a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Toddler Cries All Day
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Toddler Cries All Day
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Toddler Cries All Day
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started checking out blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and basically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Toddler Cries All Day
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Toddler Cries All Day
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Toddler Cries All Day
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that cooperation consistently produces far better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Toddler Cries All Day
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (and extra usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Toddler Cries All Day
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key emotion under it
• The majority of upset children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Toddler Cries All Day
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be prepared to provide. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. Toddler Cries All Day
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Toddler Cries All Day
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Toddler Cries All Day
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Toddler Cries All Day
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Toddler Cries All Day
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Toddler Cries All Day
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