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When I first became a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Toddler Cries Over Everything
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Toddler Cries Over Everything
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Toddler Cries Over Everything
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also practically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Toddler Cries Over Everything
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Toddler Cries Over Everything
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Toddler Cries Over Everything
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently produces better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Toddler Cries Over Everything
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (as well as extra usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Toddler Cries Over Everything
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. So rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key emotion under it
• Most mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you truly really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Toddler Cries Over Everything
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we must be prepared to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. Toddler Cries Over Everything
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Toddler Cries Over Everything
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Toddler Cries Over Everything
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Toddler Cries Over Everything
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Toddler Cries Over Everything
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Toddler Cries Over Everything
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.