Toddler Crying A Lot – How I Used Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Cooperate

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Toddler Crying A Lot
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Toddler Crying A Lot

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.

It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Toddler Crying A Lot

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Toddler Crying A Lot

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and basically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.

I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How every one of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Toddler Crying A Lot

Toddler Crying A Lot

Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.

Given his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Toddler Crying A Lot

Initially, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Overlooking significant wrongdoing

• Offering your children whatever they ask for Toddler Crying A Lot

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no limitations

You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently produces better long-term results than strict control.

Parents who adopt this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries

• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities

Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Assisting kids to develop self-control

• Going deeper than plain exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Toddler Crying A Lot

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Here are a number of the strategies Amy shares to assist you to come to be the mama or daddy you’ve always wanted to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Get to the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently much easier (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

We can progress a whole lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Toddler Crying A Lot

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key feeling below it

• A lot of angry children are actually anxious and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.

• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Toddler Crying A Lot

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be prepared to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?

It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as a person. Toddler Crying A Lot

This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Toddler Crying A Lot

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …

Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Toddler Crying A Lot

Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.

Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.

How can you become a positive parent? Toddler Crying A Lot

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I suggest any individual that is serious about becoming a more positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Toddler Crying A Lot

You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.

In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Toddler Crying A Lot


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