Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Toddler Cursing
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Toddler Cursing
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Toddler Cursing
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reviewing material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also basically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles lead to healthy child development Toddler Cursing
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Toddler Cursing
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for Toddler Cursing
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently generates far better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Toddler Cursing
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (as well as extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Toddler Cursing
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key feeling below it
• Most mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult because you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following example … Toddler Cursing
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to get from our child, we must agree to give first. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. Toddler Cursing
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Toddler Cursing
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Toddler Cursing
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Toddler Cursing
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Toddler Cursing
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Toddler Cursing
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.