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When I first came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Toddler Gags Himself
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Toddler Gags Himself
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Toddler Gags Himself
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began checking out material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also practically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles result in healthy child development Toddler Gags Himself
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Toddler Gags Himself
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Toddler Gags Himself
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that cooperation consistently produces far better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Toddler Gags Himself
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (and extra common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Toddler Gags Himself
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a primary feeling below it
• The majority of angry children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following scenario … Toddler Gags Himself
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we must be willing to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as an individual. Toddler Gags Himself
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Toddler Gags Himself
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Toddler Gags Himself
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Toddler Gags Himself
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Toddler Gags Himself
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Toddler Gags Himself
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