Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Toddler Hates Washing Hair
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Toddler Hates Washing Hair
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Toddler Hates Washing Hair
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also practically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Toddler Hates Washing Hair
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit temporarily. But in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Toddler Hates Washing Hair
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Toddler Hates Washing Hair
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that cooperation always generates far better long-term results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Toddler Hates Washing Hair
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Right here are a couple of the methods Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mother or father you’ve always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her full potential.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s typically much easier (as well as much more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Toddler Hates Washing Hair
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key emotion underneath it
• A lot of mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … Toddler Hates Washing Hair
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to receive from our child, we should agree to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as a person. Toddler Hates Washing Hair
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Toddler Hates Washing Hair
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Toddler Hates Washing Hair
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Toddler Hates Washing Hair
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you’ve altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Toddler Hates Washing Hair
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Toddler Hates Washing Hair
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.