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When I initially became a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Toddler Head Butting
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Toddler Head Butting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Toddler Head Butting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and practically every other generally approved parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas cause healthy child development Toddler Head Butting
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Toddler Head Butting
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Toddler Head Butting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently generates better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Toddler Head Butting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Right here are a number of the techniques Amy shares to encourage you to come to be the mom or father you have actually always wished to be, as well as help your child to reach his or her full potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and also a lot more usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Toddler Head Butting
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a primary emotion below it
• Most mad children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … Toddler Head Butting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we have to be willing to offer first. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as a person. Toddler Head Butting
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Toddler Head Butting
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to settle the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Toddler Head Butting
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Toddler Head Butting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddler Head Butting
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Toddler Head Butting
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