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When I initially became a mother, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Toddler Hits Me
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Toddler Hits Me
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Toddler Hits Me
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also practically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Toddler Hits Me
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Toddler Hits Me
Initially, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Toddler Hits Me
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation consistently generates much better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Toddler Hits Me
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently much easier (and extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Toddler Hits Me
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main feeling underneath it
• A lot of angry children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Toddler Hits Me
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to receive from our child, we have to be willing to provide first. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you value them as an individual. Toddler Hits Me
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Toddler Hits Me
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Toddler Hits Me
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Toddler Hits Me
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddler Hits Me
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Toddler Hits Me
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