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When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Toddler Hits Mom
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Toddler Hits Mom
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Toddler Hits Mom
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also practically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles cause healthy child development Toddler Hits Mom
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to work temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Toddler Hits Mom
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they want Toddler Hits Mom
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently produces better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Toddler Hits Mom
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Right here are a number of the techniques Amy shares to assist you to evolve into the mama or father you have actually always wanted to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (and also extra usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Toddler Hits Mom
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• The majority of angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Toddler Hits Mom
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we need to agree to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. Toddler Hits Mom
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Toddler Hits Mom
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Toddler Hits Mom
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Toddler Hits Mom
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddler Hits Mom
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Toddler Hits Mom
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