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When I initially became a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Toddler Hits
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Toddler Hits
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Toddler Hits
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reading material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Toddler Hits
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to work for the moment. However in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Toddler Hits
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Toddler Hits
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that cooperation always yields far better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Toddler Hits
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Toddler Hits
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary feeling below it
• The majority of angry children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you truly want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Toddler Hits
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we should be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as an individual. Toddler Hits
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Toddler Hits
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Toddler Hits
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Toddler Hits
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Toddler Hits
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Toddler Hits
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