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When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Toddler Hitting Biting
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Toddler Hitting Biting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Toddler Hitting Biting
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts lead to healthy child development Toddler Hitting Biting
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Toddler Hitting Biting
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want Toddler Hitting Biting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration always yields better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Toddler Hitting Biting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (as well as more usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Toddler Hitting Biting
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary feeling below it
• Most angry children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard because you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Toddler Hitting Biting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we must agree to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Toddler Hitting Biting
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Toddler Hitting Biting
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Toddler Hitting Biting
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Toddler Hitting Biting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddler Hitting Biting
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Toddler Hitting Biting
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